Crack In AUS

Hi, this is Fatima reporting to you from AUS campus.

There has been another incident. More and more eye witnesses have reported seeing butt cracks on campus. To some, the experience was very traumatizing; they had to be sent to the Intensive Care Unit.

Doctors said they will be needing rehabilitation to be able to interact with the real world again.

Officials blame low waist pants for this outrage.

Students seem to have lost proportion of where exactly back ends and butt begins. As a result, we’ve been seeing all sorts of cracks on campus, even in classes!

A group of students have decided to take action against these “crackers” by creating a new AUS club, the Beyonce Knowles Cultural Club. These fine people have been going around campus giving out brochures on How To Hide The Crack. They have been stopped by the campus police several times, for the suspicious title. They were let go with a warning. These brochures contain Beyonce Knowles’ words of wisdom on how to hide the butt crack, since it seems she doesn’t even have one!

Let’s all work together to educate ourselves. If you see a crack, don’t be shy… point it out!

The Return of the Lot

People of AUS…

Your shouts have been heard. Your prayers have been answered. Hope has been restored! This is what you get for posting in my blog. You get your parking space back. Yaaaaaaaay! *victory dance*

I must say, I’ve been getting emails all day thanking me for the great job I’ve done and asking me to run for president. Some have offered to put up a statue of me in front of the main building (I told them I’d think about it). I even have my own cult now, and I tell you, these people would do anything I ask them to. Anything!

So, “they” drew lines on the ground marking the exact spots we used to park in when they gave out violation tickets. It’s like they do not trust our sense of space; acting as if we do not know our cars’ dimensions! I mean, clearly, if you go to the Student Center you’ll see how much we AUSians respects each others’ personal space! *cough cough*

For now my worshipers fellow colleagues, enjoy the new space.

AUS - One Big Melting-Pot

Recently, there’s been a huge fuss about parking spaces in the engineering side of campus. (The place most of you like to call, the dead zone? the hell hole? Nerdville? Yes, we’ve heard it all.) You see, it’s only been a few weeks since “they” decided we needed parking manners. What on Earth were they thinking?! We’re engineers!! They can’t do this to us!! We created parking spaces. Heck, we created electricity. (Snobs, I know!)

Meanwhile, the crisis for parking space continues. Students are multiplying faster than the bacteria that replicates real fast. Yah, that one! And each student has his own car, not to mention the students who come from light-years away from the dorms to park next to the schools (what’s that about?) I’m not criticizing anybody here. I’m no better myself. My sister and I come in two separate cars!! We leave home at the same time, and come back from university at the exact same time; we’re so good at this synchronizing business. Ow and guess what? One of my friends recently got her drivers’ license. Dammit, that’s one more car in the lot.

But hey, it’s ok. We can manage; we’re the AUS, for God’s sake! We’ll just put up cones in front of all the parking entrances, and not let anyone in, and build new parking lots in the deserts of Garayen suburb! And the result: We have more and more engineering students coming late to classes. The shame! The horror! And we have more architecture students faking heart attacks so they’d call emergency and stack all their designs and equipment in the ambulance which drives them all the way to the architecture building. A girl I know had to hitch a ride with the pizza guy from the new secluded parking lots to the engineering building. Right on, sista!!

So that’s what’s been going on; every piece of flat land on AUS campus has been turned into parking space, and is under maximum protection by our security officers thank God the police aren’t doing it. And, heck, who needs a new library when you can turn it into parking space! Tear that thing down. That’s so genius, why didn’t I think of it earlier. In short, AUS has turned into one huge parking lot.

But, where does the money for the new lots come from? The parking violations. DUH! And, rumor has it that the remaining lands are being sold in the black market (next to the Old Souk) to Sharjah millionaires to build paid parking spaces. People, don’t you see it? The lots are taking over. Soon, all we’ll have is a preserve! We’ll be like strangers in our own lands. The Native Americans didn’t have such a happy ending, why would we?

Coming Soon

This blog is currently under construction. Have patience!