Jane of the Jungle

Wow! This is a nice long break, and it came to us right when we needed it the most. It's a time for us to relax before the big finale - the end of the semester (the last one for some.)

As much as I'd like to spend the holidays with family and hanging out with friends, I'd rather bail this time and spend some more me time. I think I'm gona go get reaquainted with nature and my self.

Nowadays, with our hectic schedules and preplanned lives, we barely have any time to spend indulging our senses with nature. Our idea of appreciating it is drinking some tropical mocktail or going to the spa and getting a pedicure to finally be able to see those toes you've been cramming in those shoes all this time. The closest we've ever been to getting in touch with nature is sleeping topless!

The last time I really tried to catch up with nature, there were flies all over my food. Afterall, nature is not just the greenery and the colors we see on those really cool photoshop-manipulated desktops. It's a full package - mosquito bites and sand in ears included!

You know what? Never mind nature. I think it's over-rated. I'd rather spend my holidays stuffing my face in fancy restaurants eating exotic foods like sushi, appreciating the nice painting of a flower on the wall, and admiring that artificial waterfall.

How better to appreciate nature than by feeling those fish eggs popping between your teeth.

Idiot's Guide to Soldering

For starters: DO NOT SOLDER YOUR FINGER!!

Can soemone pleas readd me my rigts?? Is there anything there that sayss I caan sue AUS??

You see, I have suffered a great deal because of this. I am forever handycapped, and cannot use my index finger on the left hand to skratch my head or pick mmy nose or anything. I'm sure you noticed I am unabl to type correctly!! Pleas bearr wit me I m about to make alott of money out o tis.

Dammit, I can't tipe!!

The H Word

First it was only one case. But now I've been hearing it from everyone!

Prof. M treats girls special.

Prof. M likes girls.

If you're a girl, you get good grades with Prof. M.

Apparently, Prof. M has been really friendly with girls. Recently, I discovered that he had harrased every girl who'd taken classes with him.

Every girl except.... ME!!

I feel so insulted!!

Greetings!!

Peoples of AUS,

Welcome back!! Hope y'all have a good semester.

Please feel free to scribble some comment on my wall.

Go ahead, vandalize!!

Only In AUS

1. You eat, drink, sleep & study in your car.

2. You let your alarm snooze for over an hour. Sometimes two.

3. You have learned the meaning of the term "straight as a circle". Hehe... only certain people are gonna get this one.

4. You have given up on life so many times. If you didn't have to start all over again, you'd be 200 by now.

5. You are an expert at carving wood. You specialize in curses. Nope, no love messages.

6. Vending machines are your love and loathing. Sometimes you'd be hugging them. Other times you'd be kicking the crap out of them when they've eaten your money or when you're broke.

7. DO NOT STEP ON THE FUCKING GRASS.

8. Fake accents are the norm.

9. People you've grown up with pretend they don't know you anymore.

10. During their freshman year you see girls looking good - makeup & all. By the end of their senior year, they look like goat – 3anz.

11. Guys' pants gradually fall down to their knees.

12. Don't get me started with the "cracks" again.

13. And don't even mention the parking lots. They're gonna make us pay for them.

14. Skinny people go in, bloated people come out.

15. I didn't even know girls can go bald!!

16. You swim from one end of university to the other.

17. You're in class & suddenly everything becomes pitch black. That's you sleeping.

18. You get good jobs when you graduate because people know in AUS you get worked like a mule!

19. You learn from your mistakes... then make the same ones all over again.

20. Star Bucks is there to teach you that the people working there are the nicest you'll ever meet. So don't get your hopes up too high; you're gona have to make your own coffee out there.

21. Coffee is no longer a luxury, but a necessity.

22. CURSE THOSE WOODEN SEATS. CURSE THEM!!

23. You're PMSing everyday.

24. Your degree had better be worthy & get you a good decent salary, because you're gonna need good money for therapy.

25. Your GPA is an indication of your IQ level; it decreases exponentially.

26. Time is never on your side. Nor are your parents. Or anything or anyone for that matter. You're all alone.

27. People are so nerdy, they read datasheets during their summer break.

28. You no longer have time to watch TV, you download EVERYTHING.

29. You are convinced your professors are all going to burn in hell.

30. You have so much work to do, that you just bum out & do absolutely nothing.

HIS 205

Unlike other species, humans evolve real slow.

Unlike other species, humans have the intellectual ability to adapt themselves to these environmental changes and conditions imposed upon them by altering their ways of living and making use of the world around them.

And, unlike other species, humans used this ability not to liberate but to condemn themselves by wearing BLACK abayas in a hot, desert climate!

Obviously, we’re not worthy of these complex brains given to us. We should be ashamed of ourselves; so ashamed, we’d be willing to squeeze those useless oozy things through our noses into the fire.

Ok, maybe I’m overreacting, but we should use them, for God’s sake! USE THEM!

I am the first culprit, for not using the matter between my ears and taking up summer courses in the first place! Aside from the fact that I unquestioningly chose to wear a black abaya.

So, if you see me walking on the marble floors of AUS this summer, please, start a bon fire right next to me, coz there’s nothing worst that you could do to me.

Need I Say More?

In light of current events, me staying up all night studying for tomorrow's midterm:

by isip-bata

Celebrate

Celebrating the winning of the SOE tournament. Go ELE guys!!

And celebrating my 10th post... it's more like an excuse, coz I have nothing else to say.

I'd like to share this funny clip with y'all:
click here to see.

You Know You're In Architecture When...

1. the alarm clock tells you when to go to sleep.

2. when someone offers you a Bic pen, you feel offended.

3. you know what UHU glue stick tastes like.

4. you CELEBRATE space

5. coffee and cokes are tools, not treats.

6. people get nauseous just by smelling your caffeine breath.

7. you buy 50 dollar magazines that you haven't read yet.

8. you think it's possible to CREATE space.

9. you've slept more than 20 hours non-stop in a single weekend.

10. you fight with inanimate objects.

11. you've fallen asleep in the washroom.

12. your brother or sister thinks he or she is an only child.

13. you've listened to all your cds in less than 48 hours.

14. you're not seen in public.

15. you lose your house keys for a week and you don't even notice.

16. you've brushed your teeth and washed your hair in the office washroom.

17. you've discovered the benefits of having none or very short hair.

18. you've started to appreciate inheriting baldness.

19. you've used an entire role of film to photograph the sidewalk.

20. you know the exact time the vending machines are refilled.

21. you always carry your deodorant.

22. you become excellent at recycling when making models.

23. when you try to communicate, you make a continuous and monotonous whine.

24. you've danced YMCA with excellent choreography at 3 am and without a single drop of alcohol in your body.

25. you take notes and messages with a rapidograph and colour markers.

26. you combine breakfast, lunch and dinner into one single meal.

27. you see holidays only as extra sleeping time.

28. you've got more photographs of buildings than of actual people.

29. you've taken your girlfriend (boyfriend) on a date to a construction site.

30. you've realised that french curves are not that exciting.

31. you can live without human contact, food or daylight, but if you can't make prints, it's chaos.

32. when youre being shown pictures of a trip, you ask what the human scale is.

33. you can use Photoshop, Illustrator and make a web page, but you don't know how to use Excel.

34. you refer to great architects (dead or alive) by their first name, as if you knew them. (Frank, Corbu, Mies, Norman...)

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Apparently this is the only thing that makes Architecture students laugh...pathetic losers. I do not know the source of the joke. If you wrote it, come forth.

Ehim...

Have you guys heard engineering jokes? They suck!! Yet, some people still laugh at them!! *rolling eyes*

Signing off...
A Proud Engineer

Mama Duck and Her Little Ducklings

In the Engineering building, we’re isolated from outside human contact. Don’t get me wrong, we like it this way. It’s like being on our own planet, and then all of a sudden popping out of our shells to run for presidents.

In the midst of our serenity, a disturbance occurs. It’s the Architecture students coming into no-man-land.

It’s a surreal sight!! There’s color in the Engineering building. They come in a straight line, one after the other, like mama duck and her little ducklings. Only looking straight ahead, never sideways, not a smile, not a peak!! Everyone’s looking at them, with hatred in their eyes.

Why can’t you leave us in our ignorance? Did you have to barge in with your hip styles and make us feel bad about ourselves? We enjoy wearing white shirts and blue jeans EVERY SINGLE DAY. You’re disrupting the peace.

The coolest, hippest Engineer is no match for the nerdiest, geekiest Architect. And that’s a fact. The Architecture-little-engine-that-could would “choo” it’s way through, while the Engineers are holding on to the pillars, and ripping and biting off the left over scraps from designs wallpaper the Architecture students decided to donate for our building.

The ingrates!!

Desperately Need To Go

I don’t know about the guys’ rest rooms, but I’m sure quite a few girls have experienced this, if not done it themselves!!

When you’re in the rest room, taking a “rest” what’s the most disturbing thing that could happen, besides running out of toilet paper, or finding out the toilet flush isn’t working?

Let me give you a hint:

a relentless person totally oblivious of the “Engaged” sign on the door, trying so hard to break in. I bet you were thinking of all sorts of weird stuff, you sickos.

Now, I’d like you to let your imagination go wild and tell me what you’d love to do to these people. Tell me how you want to slap them silly. Tell me how you want to just open the door and ask them to come in, if they’re that desperate. Tell me how you want to throw water-filled balloons from over the door on them. Tell me how you want to inflict so much pain on them using a blunt knife and spoons. Well, guess what? That isn’t gonna happen, coz it’s YOU in the vulnerable situation, no matter how desperate they are to go.

Engineers have taken this bizarre phenomenon into consideration when building the new library bathrooms. Have you girls seen the handles on those hoses?!! They’re so shiny and HEAVY!!

So now, when someone tries to bulldoze the bathroom door while you’re inside, simply open the door and fling that axe hose handle on them. From experience, I can tell you this, aim for the head and hope they don’t remember.

Who Needs The Energizer Bunny?

I learned today in school that you can create a battery out of a frog.

Is This What They Teach You @ AUS?

Since I'm overwhelmed with work this week, I won't be able to come up with something new, but here's something I wrote last summer when I worked in an Electricity and Water Authority.

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Gas Turbines For Dumb Asses

I’m supposed to tell Boss what I learned about GTs during the past week. (For all you dumb asses out there, GT stands for Gas Turbine.) I also have to explain the different systems of the GT. (Again, it’s Gas Turbine.)So…

#1- GT stands for Gas Turbine, yet again. And, it will remain this way until I say no more. So, quit gaping at me every time I say GT. It’s not jargon.

#2- No, a GT is not something you take when you’re constipated. As much as you want it to be, it’s not. But, it’s pretty close!

#3- Do not touch a GT. It will suck you in. If you’re lucky, they may still be able to identify your body as the only person stupid enough to go near a GT without a helmet.

#4- GTs are not toys. No, you can’t have one for your birthday, even if you’re turning 21; it needs constant maintenance. Stick to a car.

#5- Do not take a leak in the Lube Oil system. It will cause the machine to trip.

#6- A machine trip is not one you’d want to go to, for there is no free food.

#7- If the phone rings every two minutes, don’t worry, it’s only the alarm system programmed to buzz whenever a dumb ass fly passes by the GT.

#8- Do not use the combustion chamber to light your cigarette, because second hand smoke is dangerous for the GT. And you could die (not of lung cancer.)

#9- Smoking kills. So do GTs.

#10- Bearings are not balls.

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I was lucky I didn't get kicked out. So, don't try this at home.

Crack In AUS

Hi, this is Fatima reporting to you from AUS campus.

There has been another incident. More and more eye witnesses have reported seeing butt cracks on campus. To some, the experience was very traumatizing; they had to be sent to the Intensive Care Unit.

Doctors said they will be needing rehabilitation to be able to interact with the real world again.

Officials blame low waist pants for this outrage.

Students seem to have lost proportion of where exactly back ends and butt begins. As a result, we’ve been seeing all sorts of cracks on campus, even in classes!

A group of students have decided to take action against these “crackers” by creating a new AUS club, the Beyonce Knowles Cultural Club. These fine people have been going around campus giving out brochures on How To Hide The Crack. They have been stopped by the campus police several times, for the suspicious title. They were let go with a warning. These brochures contain Beyonce Knowles’ words of wisdom on how to hide the butt crack, since it seems she doesn’t even have one!

Let’s all work together to educate ourselves. If you see a crack, don’t be shy… point it out!

The Return of the Lot

People of AUS…

Your shouts have been heard. Your prayers have been answered. Hope has been restored! This is what you get for posting in my blog. You get your parking space back. Yaaaaaaaay! *victory dance*

I must say, I’ve been getting emails all day thanking me for the great job I’ve done and asking me to run for president. Some have offered to put up a statue of me in front of the main building (I told them I’d think about it). I even have my own cult now, and I tell you, these people would do anything I ask them to. Anything!

So, “they” drew lines on the ground marking the exact spots we used to park in when they gave out violation tickets. It’s like they do not trust our sense of space; acting as if we do not know our cars’ dimensions! I mean, clearly, if you go to the Student Center you’ll see how much we AUSians respects each others’ personal space! *cough cough*

For now my worshipers fellow colleagues, enjoy the new space.

AUS - One Big Melting-Pot

Recently, there’s been a huge fuss about parking spaces in the engineering side of campus. (The place most of you like to call, the dead zone? the hell hole? Nerdville? Yes, we’ve heard it all.) You see, it’s only been a few weeks since “they” decided we needed parking manners. What on Earth were they thinking?! We’re engineers!! They can’t do this to us!! We created parking spaces. Heck, we created electricity. (Snobs, I know!)

Meanwhile, the crisis for parking space continues. Students are multiplying faster than the bacteria that replicates real fast. Yah, that one! And each student has his own car, not to mention the students who come from light-years away from the dorms to park next to the schools (what’s that about?) I’m not criticizing anybody here. I’m no better myself. My sister and I come in two separate cars!! We leave home at the same time, and come back from university at the exact same time; we’re so good at this synchronizing business. Ow and guess what? One of my friends recently got her drivers’ license. Dammit, that’s one more car in the lot.

But hey, it’s ok. We can manage; we’re the AUS, for God’s sake! We’ll just put up cones in front of all the parking entrances, and not let anyone in, and build new parking lots in the deserts of Garayen suburb! And the result: We have more and more engineering students coming late to classes. The shame! The horror! And we have more architecture students faking heart attacks so they’d call emergency and stack all their designs and equipment in the ambulance which drives them all the way to the architecture building. A girl I know had to hitch a ride with the pizza guy from the new secluded parking lots to the engineering building. Right on, sista!!

So that’s what’s been going on; every piece of flat land on AUS campus has been turned into parking space, and is under maximum protection by our security officers thank God the police aren’t doing it. And, heck, who needs a new library when you can turn it into parking space! Tear that thing down. That’s so genius, why didn’t I think of it earlier. In short, AUS has turned into one huge parking lot.

But, where does the money for the new lots come from? The parking violations. DUH! And, rumor has it that the remaining lands are being sold in the black market (next to the Old Souk) to Sharjah millionaires to build paid parking spaces. People, don’t you see it? The lots are taking over. Soon, all we’ll have is a preserve! We’ll be like strangers in our own lands. The Native Americans didn’t have such a happy ending, why would we?

Coming Soon

This blog is currently under construction. Have patience!